Hey! Dude, today is kinda weird. I haven't taken my old antidepressant medication for months and I've been clean for a while, so seeing and hearing about people smoking or drinking is a big bummer. I just have to remember that I am a GOOD GIRL though! Today David tried to get me to ditch my art class but I declined. I was seriously thinking about it though. Even so, I know that earning more credits for high school will pay off somehow. I feel the need to get into college classes even though I am barely entering the 10th grade. Basically, I am an bright overachiever that is trying very hard not to backslide. I'm kinda staying with Irene sometimes, because I don't like staying at my mom's new house. But anyways, I feel like crying and I don't know why. Oh, well, at least I'm happy too. Wish me luck!!!

The Feeling of Greatness

I missed a few entries :). The 4th of July was the best one I'd ever had! I went to the Freedom Celebration at Cerritos College, which was a pretty big event. There were a bunch of Christian bands like Fernando Ortega (I think), the Cross Movement, and my favorites, Phil Wickham and Rebecca St. James. I loved it! It was so awesome! A crowd (which I was part of, of course) went to the front (or the pit) and lifted their hands, jumped, and praised Jesus. Hundreds were saved. Pastor Greg Laurie, who will also be at the Harvest Crusade (a combination of Christian rock bands, BMX stunts, and other cool stuff), is a very good pastor. He used modern analogies that everyone could relate to. You could tell that he wasn't just a middle-aged bald guy trying to be cool. He really was cool. He got straight to the point and didn't sugar-coat stuff. He said that we have sinned, but there is a way out. He wasn't one of those Pentacostal guys that shouted "You're all gonna go straight to hell for your sins!" He said that all of us need Jesus, no matter how cool we thought we were. Rebecca St. James, whose music I have faithfully listened to since I was about 11, gave out the message that everyone should save sex for marriage. I wholeheartedly agree. It's not because Christians can't get any, if you know what I mean. In fact, I have seen many beautiful Christians in my time. It's just that God made that law for our protection against things such as STDs, unwanted pregnancy, and physical and emotional scarring. There is less of a risk of going wrong with your husband or wife, especially if you know you can trust them. Anyways, the Harvest Crusade is on the 10th, and I'm definitely gonna go. I'm also anticipating Fish Fest, which has a lot of Christian rock bands as well. It's such a miracle. If you had talked to me about this six months ago I would have been a total druggie and looked at you funny, although I might have secretly admired you. Now, I want to devote my life to changing others and touching their lives in a way that God wants me to. Everyone has a big hole to fill up in their heart. They try to use sex, drugs, or even the innocent love of another human. Sadly, they will never succeed, because that hole is a God-shaped hole. It's like you're a little kid trying to put the circle block in the square hole. You may not realize it yet, but it just isn't gonna happen. You have to have an open mind in order to be humble and go through self-realization. Some people are so stubborn that they have to break before they can be beautiful. I was one of these people, and so was my dad. Sometimes God lets us feel pain to draw us back to Him or to make us stronger. But He promised that He wouldn't give us anything we can't handle, and that He would never leave us or forsake us. Who else would always be there for you? Anyway, if you want to know about my past and my tranformation, read my very first entry. I am soooo busy! I'm making my whole family of 7 food and cleaning too! It's kinda fun though, to see smiles on their faces.